Sophomore Year at FHHS

I've made it through another year at Heights; thank God.

Right now it may seem like I've had it and that's exactly how I feel right now, but I can't say that this year was all bad because in reality, it really wasn't. I've shared a lot of good memories with my friends and the one boy who've I fell head-over-heels in love with, Chris.

This year had many bumps in the road, as everyother year did, but I'm glad I went through them. I struggled at some points in the school year with my work, trying to balance out the time that I had left in the day- and it wasn't real easy. I'm thankful though. I take school very seriously and I want to put in the best effort that I can. Even when hard times come, I'm never gonna give up on my grades in school or my education period. I plan to use my knowledge to gain success in my life. I want to live a life full of happiness and where to start working towards that is school.

I'm excited to end the school year, but then again, I'm saddened by it. Things right now are harder than ever with Chris and I both, and I don't know if I should let go and move on, or stick around and show him why I'm still here. One thing I haven't told him though was how proud I am of him and what he has achieved. He's graduating this year and continuing on to another chapter in life; college. Though it's going to be hard to accept the fact that he's really leaving and is beginning to grow more, I'm happy for him. He's worked hard for where he is at. I'm thankful for spending my whole entire Sophomore year with him and I wouldn't change it if I could. I just want the best for him and I'm going to continue to help achieve the best for him, but I'm not going to just worry about him when I need to worry about getting myself out of high school as well. One thing I wish though, is for Christopher to help me through and never give up on me. Were not together anymore and I feel like it just put more weight on my shoulders. I hate it. But I want what is best for us both and hopefully after our many talks, he will understand. I'm not dissing any of the other girls he has been with, but I was there from the start of our relationship til the end of it and I will always be around. I love him and that's not going to change.

To end my year, I'm going to try and be happy, get the rest of my assignments in and ready and pass my exams. That's all I can do right now before I worry about other things. I have the summer to live and breath and to maybe, work things out with Christopher. But until then, I need to worry about school.

Silent Tears

At this point I really hate reality. I've realized that the choices I make can have a huge impact on the people around me. I never think about the actions I take before I do them or the words that I say and I hate it. I'm mad at myself for doing all the wrong things at all the wrong times. But the thing that is killing me inside about all of this is knowing that sorry just isn't enough.

This week has by far been one of the worst weeks in my entire life. I had dental work done on my teeth, I've missed a couple days of school and that's all because I'm losing my boyfriend; the guy I fell madly inlove with. It's making me struggle with school, home and my social life is even falling off a cliff.  I try, and try, and try, and no matter what, nothing is good enough. I don't know what to do at all anymore. It hurts like hell to even think about anything that involves me with him. I love him...

Because my emotions got the best of me, I walked out only to step away from all the pain and breathe.

Yesterday, I talked to a good friend of mine in second period; Hayaley. She advised me to maybe write a letter to Chris explaing to him how I feel and I haven't did that yet, so I'm going to. If this doesn't work, then I don't know anymore and I'm just gonna have to let go; as har as its going to be. I was always told to go after what I want and that's what I'm doing, or atleast trying to do. I just Chris would believe in me and trust me that I will do my best to make him happy and to change the way I am. I'm not changing for him, but I'm changing for us and to make things better with our relationship. I realized myself that I need to change for a better me because this isn't the first time my insecurites and my lack of trust and everything ruin something good. But I'm going to try my hardest to get us back on the right track. I just fear that all I'm going to do is make things worse.

The letter is really my last option and then I just have to let time take over and heal everything. I just hope he looks at me the same way he did when he first layed eyes on me.

Prom 2011

This past weekend brought a little bit of excitement to my life. It was prom weekened; a day that I couldn't possibly wait any longer for once I picked out of dress! (:

One thing I definitely had to focus on for prom was getting a great tan and watching what I eat. Honestly, I felt as if I was a model for Victoria's Secret magazine cover because I haven't ate an actual real meal since. But my hard work paid off; I was able to still fit the dress that I had bought way back in the winter and I got a anwsome tan! Thanks Tan Etc..

Friday was a normal day for me, except that I had a game. We almost won, then we started making tons of errors- which killed us. But honestly, I didn't let it bother me because I wasn't even worried about if we had won or not, my mind was definitely focused on prom and gettting all my stuff ready for it. So I pretty much just took a shrug and went home to do some work that I needed to get done for school. I knew I had to get it done then since I wouldn't have anymore time over the weekened.

Saturday, I woke up bright and early to get a last good session of tanning in before 7:00.  My mani and pedi was next. Beautiful Nails did a wonderful job on both my manicure and my pedicure- even though my pedicure tickled me to death; literally! lol. It was nice though. Darian was there as well, so I didn't necessarily have to talk to myself. Afterwards, when everything was just about done with, I decided to go to Height's baseball game against Briggs to check on my lovely boyfriend and his team. They were up the first game when I was there watching and later I got the message that they won both games. I was proud; what a great start to the day. Around 3:45 about 4 o'clock, Taylor started to do my make-up for me because I really didn't feel like it. Plus she's an excellent make-up artist. Before I knew it, it was time to put my dress on. 

Before we even got to prom, we took tons and tons of pictures over a Chris' house before our Hummer Limo even pulled up. It was hilarious! When our ride had arrived, we decided to go to Gantz Park to take even more pictures infront of a nice scenery. 

Prom was amazing when we got there. I felt as if Chris & I had the time of our lives. We just had fun, danced and hung out with all of our friends. It was great. After prom though, I shortly fell tired and I just wanted to get some Wendy's, go home and watch a movie with my boyfriend.

My Saturday was the best ever! (:

Summer (:

We're currently in the last six weeks of school; but we have five weeks left of school overall.  I really can't wait until we get out!

I've made it through second and final year at Heights.  Next year, I'll be at the Career Academy for Denatal Assisting.  But I don't wanna hear about school no longer.  I just want to get through these last few weeks and enjoy my summer!

This summer I think would probably be the best summer I will have since forever.  My family has planned to go to places and try new things.  So far we've planned to go to Kings Island for a weekend and stay in a hotel near by.  We might go out of state, but I have no idea where to yet.  I'm hoping South Carolina or Florida or maybe even West Virginia.  I really want to go white-water-rafting and I know we can try that in West Virginia.  Who knows? 

Another thing that I am excited for is that Chris and his family are going to Florida sometime, too, and they had asked me and Dayyon's girlfriend Taigia if we would like to come.  Also, I get to go with Chris to visit Otterbein College since he recently had got accepted into college.  I'm happy and proud of him for making that decision but I'm a little saddened by the fact that he'll be 30 minutes away and we won't get to spend much time together.  But maybe it would benefit us by making our relationship stronger, but anything can happen.  That's really the main reason why I'm aftraid.  But he told me nothing bad would happen and I was allowed to come stay with him for weekends or he can come back down when he doesn't have school.  This is the time we both need cars.  Which leads me to another thing...I get to get my license and maybe, hopefully a car for my 16th birhday. 

I'm making myself anxious by just talking about my plans for the summer.  School really just needs to be over. 

Raaandomm! (:

It's Thursday, April 13, 2011 and it's a lab day; therefore I have a blog to write.  The only problem about that you see it:  I have nothing at all to write about!  But I've made up my mind and this blog will be about all the random things that are in my mind at this moment.

Random Thought #1:  Since we lost our game last night due to grounding/fielding errors, I think our practice is gonna be a long one.  I know for sure that the coaches were very upset- no, they were angry about the game.  We lost 3-13 in I wanna say, the 5th inning (?) and I can admit I wasn't on my game yesterday.  It's okay though.  It's a learning process, you make a mistake, you shake it off and you don't make that same mistake again.  The score does not matter to me, the point is we played a good game- minus the minor fielding errors.

Random Thought #2:  I wonder if my mother would lend me some money to go to the movies Friday with Chris.  I don't know if I wanna go to Star Cinemas though when I can go to Starplex and it would be like $3 cheaper.  But I really wanna go see Scream 4.  If I do go, that movie better not be dumb! 

Random Thought #3:  I'm debating whether or not to go take my temps test.  I'm not sure if I even want to drive right now.  Have you seen the price of gas?  Ohh my goodness, it's rediculous.  Then again, it would be nice to have them just incase of an emergency or something.  Hmm, who knows?  If anything, I need to finish reading that book.

Random Thought #4:  The six weeks is almost over and my grade is cutting close in English.  Right now I have a B, but not everything is graded and updated yet.  So I'm really anxious to see what my grades are.  Hopefully straight A's like I had at the beginning of the school year.

Random Thought #5:  My reading book.  Where is my reading book?  Ughh, it's somewhere in my disaterous room and because I can't find it, it's causing me to forget to finish the damn thing.  I think I'm gonna look for it today after practice so I can finish it over the weekend.

Random Thought #6:  I really need to take more photos for photography.  I know I'm not gonna be able to get them developed by the end of the six weeks, but I can start off great for the 6th six weeks.  I just need to talk to Fagan to let her know and maybe she'll understand.  Afterall, I did print a lot of photos this six weeks.

Random Thought #7:  PROM IS COMING SOON & I'M ESTATIC! :D  I have all my stuff ready, I just need to figure out what to do with my hair and nails and Chris needs to finish getting his stuff together.  I cannot wait!  May 7th will be a blast! (:

Random Thought #8:  I need to do my math homework from yesterday so I can turn it in tomorrow.  I also need to study for my math test and my vocab test as well. 

That's really all that is on my mind, haha!  I think I'm gonna make a schedule to get everything done during lunch next period.  Yeah, I will. (:

Spring Break: Pros & Cons

Spring break is next week and it seems that this week is going by sooo slow! I wish it would just be over so I can relax, chill and gather myself together since this week was really stressing.

My plans for Spring Break for now are sleeping and softball. Until something else comes up, and I'm not busy with softball, then that's pretty much all I'm going to be doing on break. I'm considering spending more time with my family as well since I feel like I'm just forgetting all about them; mostly my sister and my niece. To think about it, I might just spend a couple of days with them over the break.

Right now the weekend needs to arrive very soon! Friday we got a game against Worthington Kilbourne and I'm definitely estatic for our double-header Saturday against Hamilton Township! Hopefully if we get our fundamentals right and throw accurate throws from home to second, second to third, and third to first- instead of overthrowing the ball and just throwing the game away. We need to keep our heads up and if we make a mistake don't let it get to you; wipe it off and learn from it. You'll do better the next time. We have several games over the break, we can't just give up. But I'm pretty confident that we will play hard and take home a couple wins.

Oh, I forgot... Another big thing I need to do before tomorrow is get all my assignments turned in. I'm almost done with my poetry book for Mr. Mann, but I know I'm not going to be able to get it done today, though it's due. So maybe he'll cut me a break and let me turn it in atleast friday... If I finish. I really feel like a slugg in his class, but I'm trying to manage.

Now do you see what I mean when this week is making me stressed out? As soon as I get my school stuff done, some stress will come off my shoulders. The other stress is relationships. But I'm tired of spilling my guts out over it, I think I should just walk away this time without looking back and go do my own thing. Maybe being single and uninvolved will get my schooling back on track. I need to understand that I'm still young and the only thing that is important right now is my education.

That's pretty much all I have to write about. I think I'm start doing my assignments to hopefully get them out of the way.

The Lost Boys of Sudan

This past Friday in English, Mr. Mann showed us some film of The Lost Boys of Sudan, that I believed was a great documentary.  Interesting as it sounds, the documentary is about two Sudanese refugee on a journey from Africa to America.

The boys' names were Peter Dut and Santino Chuor, and in my own opinon, I believe that their journey was the most terrifying journey that I have ever heard about in my entire life.  On the road, Peter and Santino had faced many dangers.  The amazing part about their story is knowing that they survived it all- lion attacks, militia gunfire, alligator attacks, etc. The boys had used their own strategies to get through; for example, once they had to cross a dangerous river where alligators live and hunt, they had to swim underwater. The purpose for that, as Peter and Santino told it, was it would make the alligator think you were coming to harm them instead of swimming on top of the water where they can catch you at the weakest point. Along the same lines, when they came across lions, they couldn't look any lion in the eyes unless the lion would attack you.

Once the boys had reached the refugee camp in Kenya, surprisingly, they were chosen to be sent to America. Living in America, the boys had continued their education and one of the boys later went back to Sudan to help other orphans.  Each of them wanted to contribute help to their own Sudanese people.  I found that inspirational.  Their story was inspirational.

I couldn't imagine myself being put into Peter and Santino's situation. Traveling for so long, staying out of danger and hiding the whole way from Sudan to Kenya. To be honest, I doubt that I would of even made it out of Africa, so it's incredible to hear that two young boys took on the challenge and made their way to freedom.  It would be an honor to meet either of the two boys and here the whole story from their point of view.

Just an Update.

Forgive & forget.  That's the biggest characteristic that I have; especially with friendships and relationships.  As you remember, last week- I think Thursday to be exact, I told you about the problems Christopher and I had been going through.  Well, I can now say that everything is getting better day-by-day because I forgave and I forgot.  Not everything is perfect again, just yet.  We still have a long way to go before we can actually say our relationship is just right.  But I'm glad I had the heart to forgive him & try to start things over; it was a bit of a bigger step since I would normally decide to walk away from it all, without solving anything.  I just couldn't leave on a bad note.

On to a different topic; this week is OGT week.  It may sound wierd, but I like taking tests.  It's only when I don't understand what I'm testing over, I get aggrivated. 

Monday we took the Reading OGT and let me tell you- I DISLIKE READING WITH A PASSION!  I thought the stories in the test were boring as ever and I didn't understand a couple stories.  The one story that really mad me furious was the dumb story about the Uganda trip or whatever.  I'm sorry, but I don't see myself going to Africa anytime soon or ever, let alone the Republic of Uganda.  It made me think about it way too much, which made it more difficult than it should've been.  Thank goodness that test is done and over with.  Now, I just hope I passed so I don't have to see it ever ever ever again! 

Today was the Mathematics portion of the OGT's.  Ha, it was a piece of cake!  I thought all the questions were so simple; basic math.  I admit that I didn't do or put much thought into two of the questions.  They were both either a short-answer or an extended response, surprise much?  I just felt very lazy to draw the graph on one and the other, I honestly didn't understand.  It's cool, I'm pretty condident that I will definitely pass that one. 

Tomorrow is the writing OGT, Thursday is science and Friday is social studies.  The writing won't be hard, but I need to brushin' up on some science and some history.  When the weekend arrives, I will be so glad! 

Last but not least, softball has been going good lately.  Though I don't care for our lady coach and her attitude towards me and some others, I can't wait to start out season.  But for now, I think I'm gonna just kill her with kindness! :)

I wonder if she would like me then? lol.

Fears :/

I haven't been myself lately.  I've been so caught up with school, softball conditioning/try-outs, and my relationship that I've been slipping. :/

Since I started high school, I've always been a person to put school and all my school work first.  But I feel like I'm going through so much because the boy I'm involved with, unfortunately, did come with strings attached.  Let's just say his ex is really getting under my skin with all the drama she is causing.  I feel like Chris and I are losing our relationship.  Hopefully the drama will end and she will stop interfering- I just want it to be me and Chris, not me, Chris and somebody else.  The love I have for him is much more than I expected and I don't just want to give up... but if all of this is going to continue, I'm afraid that I going to have to in order to get myself back on the right track.  I hate this part of relationships! D;

Am I the only one who is going through this?

This morning, I had to rush to get my math homework that was assigned last night done.  I'm disappointed in myself for choosing to wait until the last minute to do so.  Instead, I took the available time I had last night to talk with Chris about everything.  Maybe our conclusion will work- but I hope his aunt will do what we want to do :/

These past couple days have been taking a toll on me.  I have never been so stressed out in my entire life.  Goodness, why do I put myself in these situations?  All I want is to get through all the hard and rough times in my life and live happy.  I don't wanna be worried, stressed, or paranoid in anyway.  I guess it's just life then, huh?

"Nobody said it was going to be easy.  They just promised it would all be worth it."  Maybe that quote is true.

Egypt... You Guys Should Really Chill Out

For Thursday, February 17

The blog topic for the day:  Egypt.

Unfortunately, I'm not totally sure about what is going on over there on that side of the world, though my parents watch the news everyday for at least an hour and a half.  Sometimes I would watch/listen to it with them while I'm eating at the dinner table, so I'm kind of a bit clueless with the news around the world. 

One thing I've heard about Egypt is that there is some kind of revolution for a new presitdent, I guess.  Well, if we had a guy or gal in office for 30 years, I would want a change too.  So I don't blame them.  But there was a statement about American citizens.  A guy from Egypt was actually broadcasted on the news telling the whole world that he hates all Americans.  Ha!  I thought it was funny only because of the simple fact that he is making a biased comment probably because of some Americans.  Oh well, I guess people can have their own opinions.  I love my Americans (:

Another thing that I had heard on NBC4 was about a woman who was sexually assaulted, abused and beaten by a.  Seriously, if that's their way of saying they hate Americans, then those who would follow the same footsteps as their 'brother' did, then in my opinion, they can all jump off cliffs.  Sorry, but that's just how I feel about that situation.

Anyways, for the civilized Egyptians, the ones that wouldn't sexually assault or abuse people, I hope they keep going forward with the revolution to change the way things work.  Out of respect, I wish them luck.  It's great to know that Egypts surrounding neighbors might move forward to a revolt, but that gives an open opportunity for terrorism to invade.  That's not going to be good at all.  If I could give them advice and if they'd take my advice, I would tell them to stop running around and acting crazy and turn their disaster into a peaceful revolt.  Who knows?  Maybe if they were to campaign peacefully, there might actually be a change.  But I doubt they would take my advice.  After all, I am American. -___-

Main Priority.

It's great to finally say that I know how I'm going to spend my last couple years of high school.  I know I've mentioned before on my blog that I wanted to continue on to college but I wasn't fully ready because I couldn't decide on what exactly it is that I want to go for.  Well, several days later, I've made a final decision:  X-Ray Technician. 

The reasons behind why I chose to become an x-ray technician is mainly because of money.  The adverage salary of a x-ray tech reaches $59,000 and the starting salary is $33,000 or less but can range up to $90,000 or above.  That's what I at least want to become, but in the mean time, I will use school to get me through and if that doesn't work out- there is a back up plan.  The back up plan still remains at a pediatric nurse, but if something so happens to go wrong, dental assisting and becoming a dental hygienist will still be a great accomplishment to me and to my family.

This past Tuesday, I took a field trip to the SWCA (South-Western Career Academy) to actually learn more about the school and to make a final, yet, good decision if I want to attend and what I want to attend for.  I was stuck in between Health Tech and Dental Assisting because of the fact that what I plan on doing is an option in both fields and as a Sophomore, you still had questions that needed to be answered.  Leaving that day, I still wasn't sure.  So I took my mom to Open House tonight to help decide.  When it all came down to it, I picked Mrs. Brown for dental.

My plan now is to complete my application to the best of my ability to get in.  Further more, when and if I get accepted into Dental Assisting, I plan to walk out my Senior year with a job as a dental assistent in a dental office while going to college further more to become an x-ray tech or a pediatric nurse.  That way I will have a great job while I'm in school.

Thank goodness for free college credits (;

Teeeee.Veeeeee [=

For Friday, February 4

Second period.  ERC lab.  Time to write a blog for Mr. Mann and I have absolutely nothing to write about.  Therefore I've decided to write about my weekly achedule- after school.

School... Gross.  Same thing, different day; you go, you learn, you work, you leave.  Then homework is the priority once I get home.  Once that is done, I'm free to lay around and do NOTHING.  Weekdays suck! 

If you actually knew me, you would know that if I don't have softball, I sleep and take naps with my boyfriend when I get home and eventually wake up just to play Nazi Zombies on Call of Duty with him.  That's probably like the worst addiction you can ever have because once you start to play, you never  want to quit.  It's horrible, lol.

By the time 10:00 p.m. comes around, it's television time! (:

Monday:  Skins
Tuesday:  Teen Mom 2 and My Life As Liz
Wednesday:  I Use To Be Fat
Thursday:  JERSEY SHORE! :D
Friday:  Reruns (If I'm not busy doing anything else)

Great schedule, huh?

Jersey Shore is my faavooritee; if you can't tell.  I envy that show so much, though.  It really makes me want to go on vacation out of Ohio and lay out on a beautiful beach to tan!  But it's very entertaining and I was told I have a similar personality to Sam.  Yeah, I don't know whether that's a good or bad thing for sure, but I'm beginning to believe it's a good thing since Sammie is one of the strongest souls in the Jersey Shore house. 

Skins and I Use To Be Fat are new to MTV, but Skins is a remake of an older reality show.  It did creep me out on the first epidsode, but it's not a bad show.  It's pretty much watching teens live their, what they like to call, 'normal' life.  I Use To Be Fat motivates me to be healthy!  Personally, I'm glad that show is being aired.  The only thing I dislike about it is the fact that sometime it makes me feel like an ugly cow... and I'm not even fat! 

Teen Mom 2 is self explanitory.  I like to watch the show, yes, but I think now-a-days it's promoting teen pregnancy because it seems like everyone and their mom is getting prego!  Dumb decisions.  Though I will give kudos to Macie on the first season and Leah this season.  They actually show that though it's difficult, teens can raise kids on their own.  My Life As Liz is another favorite of mine and the second season hasn't aired yet.  I'm so ready for Tuesday, February 8!

Music From the Soul

What gives us an escape from our drama filled, teenage heart ache driven lives and a chance to actually be apart of something? What about something to believe in? The answer to that question is music. Everybody in this world has listened to some kind of music at least once in their life. Music, in my opinion, makes the world. You can't hide the fact that whatever music you listen to, it inspires you to do something in life. It can be bad or it can be good. It's whatever you choose to beat up your ears (:


Usually you will find me open to listen to just about any kind of music.  The majority of the music that I listen to are Country, R&B and at the very least, Rap.  One other genre of music that I'm beginning to like is Soul... Or it could just be the artist that is very intriguing;  Aretha Franklin.


Aretha Franklin, I have found is very inspiring.  She makes very inspirational music and among those tracks that she has put out, I liked "A Rose is Still a Rose". 


I promise, this is one of the best songs ever made. It’s more than inspirational. It has a bounce to it, and not to say the least, it holds a true story within its self. It sends chills up my spine because of its blunt message.  The chorus that Aretha came upon for this song, is extremely powerful, and it is sung abroad relationships.  What she is saying is that a rose, even if it is damaged, is still a rose. A beautiful flower within itself; the woman being the flower. 


It also conveys the main point that we as women need to have more respect for ourselves and none the less, we should not stick around with a man who tries to alter you.

Since I've heard Aretha Franklin's strong words, I've been listening to other Soul artists.  Another group that I liked was Train. Soul music, I've learned, is sung from the heart.  The artists just don't write a bunch of words down, making a rhythm. No, they actually sing lyrics that send helpful messages.  I'm happy to say that Aretha Franklin and Train both are now added to my playlist! :D