Sophomore Year at FHHS

I've made it through another year at Heights; thank God.

Right now it may seem like I've had it and that's exactly how I feel right now, but I can't say that this year was all bad because in reality, it really wasn't. I've shared a lot of good memories with my friends and the one boy who've I fell head-over-heels in love with, Chris.

This year had many bumps in the road, as everyother year did, but I'm glad I went through them. I struggled at some points in the school year with my work, trying to balance out the time that I had left in the day- and it wasn't real easy. I'm thankful though. I take school very seriously and I want to put in the best effort that I can. Even when hard times come, I'm never gonna give up on my grades in school or my education period. I plan to use my knowledge to gain success in my life. I want to live a life full of happiness and where to start working towards that is school.

I'm excited to end the school year, but then again, I'm saddened by it. Things right now are harder than ever with Chris and I both, and I don't know if I should let go and move on, or stick around and show him why I'm still here. One thing I haven't told him though was how proud I am of him and what he has achieved. He's graduating this year and continuing on to another chapter in life; college. Though it's going to be hard to accept the fact that he's really leaving and is beginning to grow more, I'm happy for him. He's worked hard for where he is at. I'm thankful for spending my whole entire Sophomore year with him and I wouldn't change it if I could. I just want the best for him and I'm going to continue to help achieve the best for him, but I'm not going to just worry about him when I need to worry about getting myself out of high school as well. One thing I wish though, is for Christopher to help me through and never give up on me. Were not together anymore and I feel like it just put more weight on my shoulders. I hate it. But I want what is best for us both and hopefully after our many talks, he will understand. I'm not dissing any of the other girls he has been with, but I was there from the start of our relationship til the end of it and I will always be around. I love him and that's not going to change.

To end my year, I'm going to try and be happy, get the rest of my assignments in and ready and pass my exams. That's all I can do right now before I worry about other things. I have the summer to live and breath and to maybe, work things out with Christopher. But until then, I need to worry about school.

Silent Tears

At this point I really hate reality. I've realized that the choices I make can have a huge impact on the people around me. I never think about the actions I take before I do them or the words that I say and I hate it. I'm mad at myself for doing all the wrong things at all the wrong times. But the thing that is killing me inside about all of this is knowing that sorry just isn't enough.

This week has by far been one of the worst weeks in my entire life. I had dental work done on my teeth, I've missed a couple days of school and that's all because I'm losing my boyfriend; the guy I fell madly inlove with. It's making me struggle with school, home and my social life is even falling off a cliff.  I try, and try, and try, and no matter what, nothing is good enough. I don't know what to do at all anymore. It hurts like hell to even think about anything that involves me with him. I love him...

Because my emotions got the best of me, I walked out only to step away from all the pain and breathe.

Yesterday, I talked to a good friend of mine in second period; Hayaley. She advised me to maybe write a letter to Chris explaing to him how I feel and I haven't did that yet, so I'm going to. If this doesn't work, then I don't know anymore and I'm just gonna have to let go; as har as its going to be. I was always told to go after what I want and that's what I'm doing, or atleast trying to do. I just Chris would believe in me and trust me that I will do my best to make him happy and to change the way I am. I'm not changing for him, but I'm changing for us and to make things better with our relationship. I realized myself that I need to change for a better me because this isn't the first time my insecurites and my lack of trust and everything ruin something good. But I'm going to try my hardest to get us back on the right track. I just fear that all I'm going to do is make things worse.

The letter is really my last option and then I just have to let time take over and heal everything. I just hope he looks at me the same way he did when he first layed eyes on me.

Prom 2011

This past weekend brought a little bit of excitement to my life. It was prom weekened; a day that I couldn't possibly wait any longer for once I picked out of dress! (:

One thing I definitely had to focus on for prom was getting a great tan and watching what I eat. Honestly, I felt as if I was a model for Victoria's Secret magazine cover because I haven't ate an actual real meal since. But my hard work paid off; I was able to still fit the dress that I had bought way back in the winter and I got a anwsome tan! Thanks Tan Etc..

Friday was a normal day for me, except that I had a game. We almost won, then we started making tons of errors- which killed us. But honestly, I didn't let it bother me because I wasn't even worried about if we had won or not, my mind was definitely focused on prom and gettting all my stuff ready for it. So I pretty much just took a shrug and went home to do some work that I needed to get done for school. I knew I had to get it done then since I wouldn't have anymore time over the weekened.

Saturday, I woke up bright and early to get a last good session of tanning in before 7:00.  My mani and pedi was next. Beautiful Nails did a wonderful job on both my manicure and my pedicure- even though my pedicure tickled me to death; literally! lol. It was nice though. Darian was there as well, so I didn't necessarily have to talk to myself. Afterwards, when everything was just about done with, I decided to go to Height's baseball game against Briggs to check on my lovely boyfriend and his team. They were up the first game when I was there watching and later I got the message that they won both games. I was proud; what a great start to the day. Around 3:45 about 4 o'clock, Taylor started to do my make-up for me because I really didn't feel like it. Plus she's an excellent make-up artist. Before I knew it, it was time to put my dress on. 

Before we even got to prom, we took tons and tons of pictures over a Chris' house before our Hummer Limo even pulled up. It was hilarious! When our ride had arrived, we decided to go to Gantz Park to take even more pictures infront of a nice scenery. 

Prom was amazing when we got there. I felt as if Chris & I had the time of our lives. We just had fun, danced and hung out with all of our friends. It was great. After prom though, I shortly fell tired and I just wanted to get some Wendy's, go home and watch a movie with my boyfriend.

My Saturday was the best ever! (: