Sophomore Year at FHHS

I've made it through another year at Heights; thank God.

Right now it may seem like I've had it and that's exactly how I feel right now, but I can't say that this year was all bad because in reality, it really wasn't. I've shared a lot of good memories with my friends and the one boy who've I fell head-over-heels in love with, Chris.

This year had many bumps in the road, as everyother year did, but I'm glad I went through them. I struggled at some points in the school year with my work, trying to balance out the time that I had left in the day- and it wasn't real easy. I'm thankful though. I take school very seriously and I want to put in the best effort that I can. Even when hard times come, I'm never gonna give up on my grades in school or my education period. I plan to use my knowledge to gain success in my life. I want to live a life full of happiness and where to start working towards that is school.

I'm excited to end the school year, but then again, I'm saddened by it. Things right now are harder than ever with Chris and I both, and I don't know if I should let go and move on, or stick around and show him why I'm still here. One thing I haven't told him though was how proud I am of him and what he has achieved. He's graduating this year and continuing on to another chapter in life; college. Though it's going to be hard to accept the fact that he's really leaving and is beginning to grow more, I'm happy for him. He's worked hard for where he is at. I'm thankful for spending my whole entire Sophomore year with him and I wouldn't change it if I could. I just want the best for him and I'm going to continue to help achieve the best for him, but I'm not going to just worry about him when I need to worry about getting myself out of high school as well. One thing I wish though, is for Christopher to help me through and never give up on me. Were not together anymore and I feel like it just put more weight on my shoulders. I hate it. But I want what is best for us both and hopefully after our many talks, he will understand. I'm not dissing any of the other girls he has been with, but I was there from the start of our relationship til the end of it and I will always be around. I love him and that's not going to change.

To end my year, I'm going to try and be happy, get the rest of my assignments in and ready and pass my exams. That's all I can do right now before I worry about other things. I have the summer to live and breath and to maybe, work things out with Christopher. But until then, I need to worry about school.

Silent Tears

At this point I really hate reality. I've realized that the choices I make can have a huge impact on the people around me. I never think about the actions I take before I do them or the words that I say and I hate it. I'm mad at myself for doing all the wrong things at all the wrong times. But the thing that is killing me inside about all of this is knowing that sorry just isn't enough.

This week has by far been one of the worst weeks in my entire life. I had dental work done on my teeth, I've missed a couple days of school and that's all because I'm losing my boyfriend; the guy I fell madly inlove with. It's making me struggle with school, home and my social life is even falling off a cliff.  I try, and try, and try, and no matter what, nothing is good enough. I don't know what to do at all anymore. It hurts like hell to even think about anything that involves me with him. I love him...

Because my emotions got the best of me, I walked out only to step away from all the pain and breathe.

Yesterday, I talked to a good friend of mine in second period; Hayaley. She advised me to maybe write a letter to Chris explaing to him how I feel and I haven't did that yet, so I'm going to. If this doesn't work, then I don't know anymore and I'm just gonna have to let go; as har as its going to be. I was always told to go after what I want and that's what I'm doing, or atleast trying to do. I just Chris would believe in me and trust me that I will do my best to make him happy and to change the way I am. I'm not changing for him, but I'm changing for us and to make things better with our relationship. I realized myself that I need to change for a better me because this isn't the first time my insecurites and my lack of trust and everything ruin something good. But I'm going to try my hardest to get us back on the right track. I just fear that all I'm going to do is make things worse.

The letter is really my last option and then I just have to let time take over and heal everything. I just hope he looks at me the same way he did when he first layed eyes on me.

Prom 2011

This past weekend brought a little bit of excitement to my life. It was prom weekened; a day that I couldn't possibly wait any longer for once I picked out of dress! (:

One thing I definitely had to focus on for prom was getting a great tan and watching what I eat. Honestly, I felt as if I was a model for Victoria's Secret magazine cover because I haven't ate an actual real meal since. But my hard work paid off; I was able to still fit the dress that I had bought way back in the winter and I got a anwsome tan! Thanks Tan Etc..

Friday was a normal day for me, except that I had a game. We almost won, then we started making tons of errors- which killed us. But honestly, I didn't let it bother me because I wasn't even worried about if we had won or not, my mind was definitely focused on prom and gettting all my stuff ready for it. So I pretty much just took a shrug and went home to do some work that I needed to get done for school. I knew I had to get it done then since I wouldn't have anymore time over the weekened.

Saturday, I woke up bright and early to get a last good session of tanning in before 7:00.  My mani and pedi was next. Beautiful Nails did a wonderful job on both my manicure and my pedicure- even though my pedicure tickled me to death; literally! lol. It was nice though. Darian was there as well, so I didn't necessarily have to talk to myself. Afterwards, when everything was just about done with, I decided to go to Height's baseball game against Briggs to check on my lovely boyfriend and his team. They were up the first game when I was there watching and later I got the message that they won both games. I was proud; what a great start to the day. Around 3:45 about 4 o'clock, Taylor started to do my make-up for me because I really didn't feel like it. Plus she's an excellent make-up artist. Before I knew it, it was time to put my dress on. 

Before we even got to prom, we took tons and tons of pictures over a Chris' house before our Hummer Limo even pulled up. It was hilarious! When our ride had arrived, we decided to go to Gantz Park to take even more pictures infront of a nice scenery. 

Prom was amazing when we got there. I felt as if Chris & I had the time of our lives. We just had fun, danced and hung out with all of our friends. It was great. After prom though, I shortly fell tired and I just wanted to get some Wendy's, go home and watch a movie with my boyfriend.

My Saturday was the best ever! (:

Summer (:

We're currently in the last six weeks of school; but we have five weeks left of school overall.  I really can't wait until we get out!

I've made it through second and final year at Heights.  Next year, I'll be at the Career Academy for Denatal Assisting.  But I don't wanna hear about school no longer.  I just want to get through these last few weeks and enjoy my summer!

This summer I think would probably be the best summer I will have since forever.  My family has planned to go to places and try new things.  So far we've planned to go to Kings Island for a weekend and stay in a hotel near by.  We might go out of state, but I have no idea where to yet.  I'm hoping South Carolina or Florida or maybe even West Virginia.  I really want to go white-water-rafting and I know we can try that in West Virginia.  Who knows? 

Another thing that I am excited for is that Chris and his family are going to Florida sometime, too, and they had asked me and Dayyon's girlfriend Taigia if we would like to come.  Also, I get to go with Chris to visit Otterbein College since he recently had got accepted into college.  I'm happy and proud of him for making that decision but I'm a little saddened by the fact that he'll be 30 minutes away and we won't get to spend much time together.  But maybe it would benefit us by making our relationship stronger, but anything can happen.  That's really the main reason why I'm aftraid.  But he told me nothing bad would happen and I was allowed to come stay with him for weekends or he can come back down when he doesn't have school.  This is the time we both need cars.  Which leads me to another thing...I get to get my license and maybe, hopefully a car for my 16th birhday. 

I'm making myself anxious by just talking about my plans for the summer.  School really just needs to be over. 

Raaandomm! (:

It's Thursday, April 13, 2011 and it's a lab day; therefore I have a blog to write.  The only problem about that you see it:  I have nothing at all to write about!  But I've made up my mind and this blog will be about all the random things that are in my mind at this moment.

Random Thought #1:  Since we lost our game last night due to grounding/fielding errors, I think our practice is gonna be a long one.  I know for sure that the coaches were very upset- no, they were angry about the game.  We lost 3-13 in I wanna say, the 5th inning (?) and I can admit I wasn't on my game yesterday.  It's okay though.  It's a learning process, you make a mistake, you shake it off and you don't make that same mistake again.  The score does not matter to me, the point is we played a good game- minus the minor fielding errors.

Random Thought #2:  I wonder if my mother would lend me some money to go to the movies Friday with Chris.  I don't know if I wanna go to Star Cinemas though when I can go to Starplex and it would be like $3 cheaper.  But I really wanna go see Scream 4.  If I do go, that movie better not be dumb! 

Random Thought #3:  I'm debating whether or not to go take my temps test.  I'm not sure if I even want to drive right now.  Have you seen the price of gas?  Ohh my goodness, it's rediculous.  Then again, it would be nice to have them just incase of an emergency or something.  Hmm, who knows?  If anything, I need to finish reading that book.

Random Thought #4:  The six weeks is almost over and my grade is cutting close in English.  Right now I have a B, but not everything is graded and updated yet.  So I'm really anxious to see what my grades are.  Hopefully straight A's like I had at the beginning of the school year.

Random Thought #5:  My reading book.  Where is my reading book?  Ughh, it's somewhere in my disaterous room and because I can't find it, it's causing me to forget to finish the damn thing.  I think I'm gonna look for it today after practice so I can finish it over the weekend.

Random Thought #6:  I really need to take more photos for photography.  I know I'm not gonna be able to get them developed by the end of the six weeks, but I can start off great for the 6th six weeks.  I just need to talk to Fagan to let her know and maybe she'll understand.  Afterall, I did print a lot of photos this six weeks.

Random Thought #7:  PROM IS COMING SOON & I'M ESTATIC! :D  I have all my stuff ready, I just need to figure out what to do with my hair and nails and Chris needs to finish getting his stuff together.  I cannot wait!  May 7th will be a blast! (:

Random Thought #8:  I need to do my math homework from yesterday so I can turn it in tomorrow.  I also need to study for my math test and my vocab test as well. 

That's really all that is on my mind, haha!  I think I'm gonna make a schedule to get everything done during lunch next period.  Yeah, I will. (:

Spring Break: Pros & Cons

Spring break is next week and it seems that this week is going by sooo slow! I wish it would just be over so I can relax, chill and gather myself together since this week was really stressing.

My plans for Spring Break for now are sleeping and softball. Until something else comes up, and I'm not busy with softball, then that's pretty much all I'm going to be doing on break. I'm considering spending more time with my family as well since I feel like I'm just forgetting all about them; mostly my sister and my niece. To think about it, I might just spend a couple of days with them over the break.

Right now the weekend needs to arrive very soon! Friday we got a game against Worthington Kilbourne and I'm definitely estatic for our double-header Saturday against Hamilton Township! Hopefully if we get our fundamentals right and throw accurate throws from home to second, second to third, and third to first- instead of overthrowing the ball and just throwing the game away. We need to keep our heads up and if we make a mistake don't let it get to you; wipe it off and learn from it. You'll do better the next time. We have several games over the break, we can't just give up. But I'm pretty confident that we will play hard and take home a couple wins.

Oh, I forgot... Another big thing I need to do before tomorrow is get all my assignments turned in. I'm almost done with my poetry book for Mr. Mann, but I know I'm not going to be able to get it done today, though it's due. So maybe he'll cut me a break and let me turn it in atleast friday... If I finish. I really feel like a slugg in his class, but I'm trying to manage.

Now do you see what I mean when this week is making me stressed out? As soon as I get my school stuff done, some stress will come off my shoulders. The other stress is relationships. But I'm tired of spilling my guts out over it, I think I should just walk away this time without looking back and go do my own thing. Maybe being single and uninvolved will get my schooling back on track. I need to understand that I'm still young and the only thing that is important right now is my education.

That's pretty much all I have to write about. I think I'm start doing my assignments to hopefully get them out of the way.

The Lost Boys of Sudan

This past Friday in English, Mr. Mann showed us some film of The Lost Boys of Sudan, that I believed was a great documentary.  Interesting as it sounds, the documentary is about two Sudanese refugee on a journey from Africa to America.

The boys' names were Peter Dut and Santino Chuor, and in my own opinon, I believe that their journey was the most terrifying journey that I have ever heard about in my entire life.  On the road, Peter and Santino had faced many dangers.  The amazing part about their story is knowing that they survived it all- lion attacks, militia gunfire, alligator attacks, etc. The boys had used their own strategies to get through; for example, once they had to cross a dangerous river where alligators live and hunt, they had to swim underwater. The purpose for that, as Peter and Santino told it, was it would make the alligator think you were coming to harm them instead of swimming on top of the water where they can catch you at the weakest point. Along the same lines, when they came across lions, they couldn't look any lion in the eyes unless the lion would attack you.

Once the boys had reached the refugee camp in Kenya, surprisingly, they were chosen to be sent to America. Living in America, the boys had continued their education and one of the boys later went back to Sudan to help other orphans.  Each of them wanted to contribute help to their own Sudanese people.  I found that inspirational.  Their story was inspirational.

I couldn't imagine myself being put into Peter and Santino's situation. Traveling for so long, staying out of danger and hiding the whole way from Sudan to Kenya. To be honest, I doubt that I would of even made it out of Africa, so it's incredible to hear that two young boys took on the challenge and made their way to freedom.  It would be an honor to meet either of the two boys and here the whole story from their point of view.